A Pathway of Forgiveness // Luke: Jesus for Everyone// Luke 17:1-10 // 11.16.25 // Doug Glynn

A PATH OF FORGIVENESS

When you are honest about your past hurts and betrayals, you know that nothing is more wearying than refusing to forgive. As hard as it may seem, we must forgive others after they have wronged us in order to become free ourselves. The following pathway has proven helpful for many people.

NOTE: Christ followers live in a beautiful truth that changes everything: Forgiveness is ALWAYS a work of God in us. We get to partner with God by forgiving, not in our own strength, but by trusting and depending on His strength in us. Especially when it feels too hard, we can admit: I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let Him…

 1) I must admit that something happened.

If we want to move toward healing and freedom - which is always where Jesus leads - we have to start with honesty. Something happened. Someone hurt us, betrayed us, or failed us. Maybe it was intentional, maybe not. But pretending it was ‘no big deal’ or brushing it aside only keeps us stuck. We must name that something happened instead of burying it or brushing it off.

(Psalm 142:2)

 2) I must get in touch with the consequences of the act done against me.

The consequences of sin are often worse (sometimes far worse) than the sin itself. I need to notice how that event continues to affect my daily life: my emotions, my relationships, my sense of safety or worth. This can be painful work, and it’s often helpful to have a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor with you. Something happened & it left a mark. We need to get in touch with those ripple effects in our daily lives.

When you want to get free of the unforgiveness that is weighing you down, you have to name the consequences. Questions that might be helpful in this regard:

• Have I felt demeaned or devalued because of this? Was I manipulated or shunned?
• Have I become fearful? Have I experienced shame because of what happened?
• Were there relational effects? Did I lose credibility or access with friends?
• Did I lose my position or influence? Did it impact my job, my income, or my future?
• Did it affect my marriage, or my relationship with my children, or people I work with?
• Has this changed how I see myself, or my attitude toward love, trust, friendship, or even toward God?

(Lamentations 3:19–20, Psalm 34:18)

 3) I must tell God what happened to me.

This is one of the most beautiful parts of forgiveness. We get to bring it all to God, both the event and the consequences. We can cry, or yell, or just sit in silence with Him. God invites it all. He wants us to tell Him everything, to get it all out, until we feel sure that He understands.

(Psalm 13:1-2; Psalm 62:8; Psalm 142:1-21; Matthew 5:4; 1 Peter 5:7)

 4) I must forgive the offender, for my benefit.

Yes, for my benefit. This is one of the pieces many of us miss in forgiveness. We need to go through vertical forgiveness (me before God) before we move to horizontal forgiveness (between me and another person). It is a choice to free ourselves and begin healing. Trusting God’s character, strength, love and protection, we place the entire list of consequences into His hands.

If I refuse to forgive someone before God, then I become the issue.

Forgiving means cutting the cord to the debt they “owe” you and entrusting both yourself and the offender to God. You may still feel pain or sadness, but you are no longer chained to the weight of “they owe me.” Vertical forgiveness is not a one-time magical feeling, but a repeated decision in God’s presence for your own freedom.

IMPORTANT: When we begin the process of forgiving for our own sake, bringing everything to God, healing begins. (And it is much easier to forgive others when you are experiencing healing!)

(Matthew 18:21–22, Mark 11:25, Romans 12:19, Ephesians 4:32)

 5) I tell the offender I’ve forgiven them when they repent, for their sake.

This is the horizontal side of forgiveness. After we have chosen freedom and healing before God (vertical forgiveness), we are then ready to extend that forgiveness to the other person. We do need to wait until they repent - until they own what they’ve done and begin to go a different direction - or we rob them of their own process. When they are ready, we offer them the same freedom we have been living in, for their sake. And if they never repent, we can still live free because our forgiveness before God is not dependent on their response.

(Luke 17:3–4; John 21:15–19; Matthew 18:15)

 6) I must distinguish between forgiving and trusting my offender.

Forgiveness does not require me to instantly or fully trust the other person. Forgiveness and trust are separate issues. Forgiveness carries the hope of renewed trust, but it offers no mandate or guarantee. Trust takes time and consistency. It is rebuilt through a track record of honesty, humility and changed behavior. There are times when a person is not yet trustworthy. You may have genuinely forgiven your offender and still not trust them. That is not unforgiveness. That is wisdom.

(John 2:24–25; Proverbs 4:23)

***THE FORK: Decide to RENEW or RELEASE the relationship***

This is an important fork in the road of forgiveness. While the way of Jesus points us to the hope of reconciliation (renew), there are times where releasing the relationship is the best (or even only) option. Staying in an abusive relationship is not healthy, loving, or Christlike. There are also other relationships where ‘release’ is the wisest choice. However, releasing (ending) a relationship must be done thoughtfully and with the counsel and aid of wise, emotionally and spiritually mature Christians who help walk you through the process.

(Romans 12:18; 2 Timothy 4:14–15)

7) I seek reconciliation, not just conflict resolution.

When forgiveness has begun and trust is slowly being rebuilt, the goal (where it is wise and possible) is more than just ‘fixing the issue’ and moving on, it’s reconciliation. When we’ve been hurt, our natural impulse is to move on, self-protect, or quietly let the relationship die. But reconciliation is about the renewing of a relationship, not just the resolving of a conflict. It’s never a demand or requirement, but an invitation from God.

 Reconciliation takes time, honesty, humility, and courage. When both people are moving toward one another, God can create something deeper and more beautiful than what was there before. This mirrors the heart of the gospel: in Christ, God not only forgave our sins, He reconciled us to Himself.

(2 Corinthians 5:18–19; Romans 5:10–11; Matthew 5:23–24) 

Putting the Path of Forgiveness into Practice

If we take a deep breath and look back over this Path of Forgiveness, we see that forgiveness is not quick, neat, or simple. It is a journey. Be gracious with yourself and remember that God is at work in you, releasing you from the pain of sin, even the sin that has been committed against you. 

A helpful next step is simply to ask: Is there anyone I need to forgive? You do not need to start with the biggest or most painful wound in your story. You might begin with something you have been holding on to, a person you avoid thinking about because it still hurts, or a relationship you keep at a distance because you cannot move past what was done.

Use these seven steps as a guide, and, if possible, walk through them with a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor. Do not be discouraged if you have to go through this process more than once, even for the same situation. Often, as we move forward, new layers of pain and consequence surface, and we simply bring those to God again.

Remember: choosing to forgive is choosing freedom for your own heart. You can begin this process with God whether or not the person who hurt you is ready to repent or ask for forgiveness. You were made to live free and authentic, and in Jesus, God has made a way for that.

Forgiveness breaks down walls, frees hearts, restores families, and draws out the best in us. It can turn hatred into tenderness and the desire to destroy into a passion to protect. It is more powerful than any weapon, government, or wealth. Nothing else brings such profound healing. You are invited to experience that freedom and healing. If all you have is a mustard seed of trust, our prayer is that you will start there and say “yes.”